put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
there is puke in my bra ... again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
