It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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