Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
