I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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