The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize