She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
