Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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