Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize