highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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