i just wanna soil my oats bro
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
