You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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