Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
