we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
