I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize