Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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