i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
