Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
