i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
