I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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