all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you had me at cake vodka
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
