when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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