He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
