Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
