I just threw up on my dentist
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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