Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
