Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize