I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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