I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
