exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize