youre lurking in front of me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize