Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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