Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
