you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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