now i know why i became what i already was.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
