I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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