some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
