we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
