My sheets look like a crime scene.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
