life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
