i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
