his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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