Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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