Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
