I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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