Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
