If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
