There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
