quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
