you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize