need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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