you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize