More tranny stories later!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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