Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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