Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
