meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
