got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
