dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
