Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
