Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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