If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
