he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
