My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
