How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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