if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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