so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
