I will die if light touches me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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