she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
