He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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