I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
