grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just cropdusted the office
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
