Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
