If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
