my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
