you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
