I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
