the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
