I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
