dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
