I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
