Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
