She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
