My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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