I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
