I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize