I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
