I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
